Alter Ego

I don’t like filling out paperwork for Christian organizations/activities. Why? Because there is that little section usually on the second page that says “Testimony.” Now, that wouldn’t be a problem except for one little thing…I don’t really have one. I have a great testimony of what God has done in my life as a Christian, but I don’t have anything to say about how I became a Christian. To be honest, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a Christian, and I don’t remember the exact time I became one. I grew up in a Christian family and it was just a way of life. Obviously at some point I accepted Christ into my heart for myself and I wasn’t just going off my parent beliefs, but when that was is the question. So I have a big problem when I am supposed to write down my testimony. I think it is hilarious when they say that you can write on the back if you run out of room. Umm, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. I wish I had enough to say to write on the back. I wish I had a great testimony that would move people because of an amazing work of God in my life. Don’t get me wrong; I realize that God did an amazing work in my life because He does an amazing work in every believer’s life to bring them to Himself, but my was more subtle than most. So there I am…a testimony to write and nothing to say.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to fully appreciate God’s grace and forgiveness because I was never a “bad person.” Part of the reason I would love an amazing testimony is because I want to understand grace from the perspective of someone who was totally against God at one point and whose life dramatically changed when they became a Christian. Does that make sense? Maybe some of you feel the same way. Anyway, a little while ago God put this thought in my head: If it is hard for me to fully appreciate grace from the perspective of being saved from who I was, then I should think of grace from the perspective of who it saved me from becoming. I realize that might have been hard to follow, so let me explain. When I was saved I was a little kid, so I didn’t really look back and regret my life before Christ, because frankly I don’t remember it. I can, however, think of who I might have become if Christ didn’t save me and that is a scary thought. Have you ever thought about who you would be without Christ? If you haven’t I’ll help you out. First, take all of your sinful tendencies and bring them to the forefront. You know, the bitterness or discontent you let slip out from time to time, or the selfishness you try to hide. Next, take all of your characteristics that are godly and get rid of them. Third, add in an addiction (money, success, drugs) for good measure. (Some of you didn’t need to do that exercise because you know who you were. Some of us, though, never went down that road by the grace of God, so this helps.) So now you have a picture of who you would be without Christ. It’s not pretty, is it. I got a picture of who I would be without Christ when I was reading “Gone With the Wind.” I know it’s random, but I would be exactly like Scarlett O’Hara. When I saw that and when I understood, my heart overflowed with gratitude. Thank you, Jesus, for who you saved me from becoming. I could be so lost, yet you found me before that happened. I understand grace a little better now.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace towards me was not in vain”
– I Corinthians 15:10a