Disappointed

"This isn't where I thought I would be at this point in my life."

How many times have I heard that from one of my friends? How many times have you?

How many times have I said it myself?

It amazes me how often we get disillusioned with God when He fails to coordinate His grand scheme for the world with our personal plan for our lives. Of course, we don't think of it like that. What we think is: "All I want is a steady job so that I can get out of debt. I want to be a good steward of my money, but I'm not making enough to make ends meet right now. God doesn't want me to struggle like this." Or, "I just want ONE guy to ask me out on a date. Just one! I don't need a long-term relationship, I just want some confirmation that I'm attractive on some level." Outrageous requests? No. But they are requests stemming from the wrong motives all the same. Requests like that are self motivated, and from my experience God's highest priority is not our self requests. He is working to mold and make us into the image of Himself, not the image of who we would like to look like. The problem is that we don't see them as self motivated. We put religious words on the end of them so we convince ourselves that we are asking for something spiritual and not something selfish. And then we get upset when God doesn't answer our "spiritual" requests. That's when the problem starts.

It doesn't happen all at once, but like most things it starts small and grows and grows until we finally notice it. What is it? Disappointment. We pray for more hours at work so that we can build relationships with co-workers and "witness" to them. We don't get more hours. We pray that Grandma gets better so that she can keep serving God for many more years. Grandma doesn't get better. Relationships don't happen. Cars break down right when you need them. Tests don't get passed even after you study for hours. You keep praying and praying and God seems to keep saying "No" to everything. Have you been there? I have. Then you wake up one day and look around and say, "This isn't the life I wanted at all. I had so many plans, so many dreams, but look where I'm at. God, why did you let this happen to me?" At that moment, you let yourself become disillusioned with God. YOU had a great plan for your life, but God wouldn't cooperate. YOU had it all figured out, but God wouldn't listen.

Oh, Sinner, how often we fall. In our minds it's okay to disappoint God. Yeah, we sin, but we're human, right? We don't read our Bibles or pray as often as we should, but we're busy. We don't give our time or money to God, because we need it more than He does. In every area, we don't meet God's standards, and yet we justify it in our minds. But then, when God doesn't meet our artificial standards, we feel justified to doubt His goodness. We don't care about God wants but He had better care about what we want. We are selfish people who care more about an easy life than seeing God glorified on this earth. Shame on us.

My favorite passage when thinking about God's plan versus our plan is Hebrews 5:7:

"Who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear..."

I know this is a sentence fragment and therefore hard to grasp in context, but hear me out. This passage is referring back to Jesus praying in the garden before His arrest. Jesus didn't like where He was at. He didn't like the plan, and He was praying to His father to "take this cup away from me." (Luke 22:42) Have you prayed that prayer? Have you asked God to remove you from a difficult situation? Unlike you, Jesus had completely pure motivations when He prayed. He knew that His death was needed as an atoning sacrifice, but He still asked for a way out. He passionately cried out to the God who was able to save Him from an excruciating death. The beloved Son prayed to His loving Father, and God heard the prayer of His righteous Son.

And God said no.

No. It was that simple. God didn't give a reason. He didn't have to. He never has to. God's ways are higher than our ways, and the Creator does not owe the creation an explanation for anything. At the end of Luke 22:42, Jesus said, "Not my will, but Yours, be done." God answered that prayer. God's will was done. His Son was in agony, pleading for another plan, crying out to be saved from the wrath of His Father when He took on the sins of the world. But the Father didn't change His plan, because His plan was the best plan.

Does that give you hope, Beloved? It gives me hope, because it puts my prayers into perspective, and my life. God loves us. God hears our prayers. And sometimes God says "no" even when it doesn't make sense to us. God might say "no" when we're hurting, or confused, or alone. But we can rest assured that we are exactly where we are supposed to be: resting in His love, surrounded by His grace.

When you get to a point in your life when you are tempted to say, "This isn't where I wanted to be right now", remember your Saviour, who has been right where you are. Like your Saviour, I urge you to set aside your dreams and ambitions, to humble yourself before the sovereign God, and say, "Not my will, but Yours, be done."