A Cry In The Night

Whenever it shows up, it shocks me with it's intensity. It shocks me that after all of these years, I still can't get over this. I should be stronger than this. I should be braver than this. I should be able to trust God more that He will help me through this. But I'm not. And it frustrates me and scares me that I can't get over this no matter how hard I try.

You see, I'm afraid, and I mean really afraid, of doctors and especially needles. It borders on a phobia, because it's aggrivatingly irrational. I can't tell you why, I just know that I am. I have tried every way I can think of to get over this, and nothing has really worked. I've prayed, I've talked to people, I've tried memorizing scripture and listening to comforting songs. I can't figure out the key. So why am I telling you this? Two reasons: I need help, but I also want to help. My goal with this blog has always been intentional Christ-focused encouragment. So I want to share some of the things I have learned in this area of fear, with the hope that maybe it will help someone out there.

1) I'm not alone. I'm not really talking about spiritually here, although that of course is true, too. I'm talking about that there are other people out there who struggle with this as well, some of whom I know. Just that knowledge helps. The worst part of feeling afraid is also feeling alone in your fear. God never meant for us to be alone, that's why He made us to need each other. If you are struggling with something, find someone who understands and can relate. It will help.

2) God can use my fear for His glory. God could have brought Himself glory by not allowing this fear in my life. If you don't struggle with this like I do, then please, give God the glory! But He did allow it, therefore, He intends it for His glory. I just have to figure out how. I can give God glory when I have to trust Him more to help me through this. I can give God glory when I make an iota of progress, and belive me, progress comes in iotas in this area. I can give God glory because He has the best plan for my life, and somehow, someway, this area is included. I don't understand how, but I don't have to.

3) Don't ever stop fighting. I admit that this one is hard for me. I'm bad at it. Most of the time I feel too tired to fight anymore. There's too many things going on in my life to try to deal with one more thing. To be honest, this is probably why it hasn't gotten better over the years. I've let it sit in my life and ferment. If you struggle with fear, or a particular sin, or anything, please, PLEASE keep fighting it. Help me to keep fighting, too. Find someone who will keep you be accountable, but who will do it in love. Sin needs a hard hand, but fear usually needs a soft one. If you are on the opposite side and you know someone who struggles with fear, don't be too harsh with them. If you've never experienced what they are going through, then you don't know what they are going through. Be a friend, be supportive, pray for them, ask what you can do to help, but don't try to push them in a direction they are not ready to go. Help them to be brave.

This was a hard post for me to write. It's always hard when you have to face your fears, and this was no different. I have a doctor's appointment this week, and I'm afraid. Please pray for me. Pray that the peace of God will rule in my heart and that I will be strong enough to fight the lies and fears that Satan throws at me. I can't do this by myself. I don't want to live in fear anymore, but I honestly don't know how to. If you have any encouraging words, or if you need any advice about someone you know who struggles with fear and you don't know how to help, send me line. I'll do the best I can.

Thanks for reading and be blessed.

Real

I wrote this poem about a year ago. I think it is one of the best poems I have written, but I'll let you judge that for yourself. I wrote it at a fundraising dinner on a napkin during the main speech. All of the sudden words and sentences started pouring out and it was started and finished just like that. I didn't mean to ignore the speech, but it had to come out. The title of the poem is Real, not only because that's what it's about, but because I was being real and honest when I wrote it. I was struggling, and I needed a friend like I describe in the poem. I praise and thank God that I have friends who helped me through those days, because I desperately needed them. I don't know if they all knew how much I was hurting because I struggle with a sin called pride, and therefore I have trouble letting people see my weaknesses, so because of that I missed an opportunity to tell them how much they meant to me. But if you're reading this blog, and you knew me last year and what I was going through, and I talked to you about it, thank you for being there for me. I couldn't have done it without you.

Real

"I'm fine, life's good...
Busy this week,
I guess I always am.
Gotta go, catch you later."

No, I'm not really fine,
Do you know that?
Do you see the person behind the mask?
The person who seems to have everything together,
But is falling apart inside?
Do you know that person...

...Do you care?

Did you know how hard it was to give you that smile?
Well, I guess it wasn't;
It's automatic now.

But it wasn't real.

What do I want?
Well, I don't want someone to fix my problems.
I don't want to bleed my heart all over you
And make you clean up the mess.
I'm not like that.

I just want to know someone's there...
...that they care.
I just want someone to walk through this with me.
What I want....

...Is a friend.

I just want someone to talk to,
Nothing serious, just chit chat,
But real chit chat.
It keeps me from sinking into self-pity.

Walking with you through life
Puts mine into perspective.
You're broken?

I'm broken, too.

You're hurting?

I'm hurting, too.

To be honest, sometimes it feels
As if my whole life
Is falling apart.

And I can't do anything but watch.

We need each other.
Don't let me walk alone,
And I promise:

I won't let you walk alone, either.

We're going to make it, friend
And we're going to make it

Together.



Dedicated to all my friends who have always been there for me. I am truly blessed.

Copyrighted by Katie Franck

Humbled and Amazed

Ok, I admit it, I broke my New Year's resolution last week. I do have an excuse though, if you would like to hear it. In a span of four days I started a new job, got engaged, and worked two overnight shifts in a row. Somehow I didn't quite get around to writing a blog for some reason...hmmm.

But here I am, attempting to keep my resolution once more. This is going to be a short post but hopefully it will be encouraging.

2010 was a hard year for me. God tested me in ways that broke my heart so many times. I had to make impossible choices that a lot people didn't understand, and my only justification for them was that I was doing what I thought God was asking me to. There were days when I had to just try to make it through the day with out disintegrating. There were months when I watched my entire world crumble before me. And during the course of the entire year, God asked me to surrender almost everything that is important to me, with the very real possibility that He was going to take it away. It's easy to trust God when life is easy, but much harder when trusting means sacrifice. Many times last year I prayed for a miracle, knowing in my heart that I didn't have enough faith to believe that God would do it. But something amazing happened.

God heard my prayer, and He answered me.

God took everything away from me, and then He gave it all back. Everything I prayed for last year God has done. When I think of that, I am overwhelmed by His love for me. He could have taken everything away from me and still I would have served Him, because I live my life for His glory, however He chooses to show it. But He didn't, because His plan involved blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. I don't know why, but I don't have to. I still live my life for the glory of God, however He chooses to show it. Feast or famine, desert or paradise, my life is God's to use for His glory.

When I think back to those dark days it still hurts, but I'm grateful for them. My faith grew so much because it was so hard. If you are going through a trial right now, I'm sorry. I know how hard it can be. But remember the hope we have have through Jesus Christ. If you believe in His death for your sins, and His resurrection three days later, than you have the promise of a future where He will wipe away all of the tears from your eyes, and where there will be no more death, nor crying, nor pain. The trials we experience only last during this life, Beloved, and after that, we have eternity to spend with Jesus in glorious paradise. Cling to that hope.