A Cry In The Night

Whenever it shows up, it shocks me with it's intensity. It shocks me that after all of these years, I still can't get over this. I should be stronger than this. I should be braver than this. I should be able to trust God more that He will help me through this. But I'm not. And it frustrates me and scares me that I can't get over this no matter how hard I try.

You see, I'm afraid, and I mean really afraid, of doctors and especially needles. It borders on a phobia, because it's aggrivatingly irrational. I can't tell you why, I just know that I am. I have tried every way I can think of to get over this, and nothing has really worked. I've prayed, I've talked to people, I've tried memorizing scripture and listening to comforting songs. I can't figure out the key. So why am I telling you this? Two reasons: I need help, but I also want to help. My goal with this blog has always been intentional Christ-focused encouragment. So I want to share some of the things I have learned in this area of fear, with the hope that maybe it will help someone out there.

1) I'm not alone. I'm not really talking about spiritually here, although that of course is true, too. I'm talking about that there are other people out there who struggle with this as well, some of whom I know. Just that knowledge helps. The worst part of feeling afraid is also feeling alone in your fear. God never meant for us to be alone, that's why He made us to need each other. If you are struggling with something, find someone who understands and can relate. It will help.

2) God can use my fear for His glory. God could have brought Himself glory by not allowing this fear in my life. If you don't struggle with this like I do, then please, give God the glory! But He did allow it, therefore, He intends it for His glory. I just have to figure out how. I can give God glory when I have to trust Him more to help me through this. I can give God glory when I make an iota of progress, and belive me, progress comes in iotas in this area. I can give God glory because He has the best plan for my life, and somehow, someway, this area is included. I don't understand how, but I don't have to.

3) Don't ever stop fighting. I admit that this one is hard for me. I'm bad at it. Most of the time I feel too tired to fight anymore. There's too many things going on in my life to try to deal with one more thing. To be honest, this is probably why it hasn't gotten better over the years. I've let it sit in my life and ferment. If you struggle with fear, or a particular sin, or anything, please, PLEASE keep fighting it. Help me to keep fighting, too. Find someone who will keep you be accountable, but who will do it in love. Sin needs a hard hand, but fear usually needs a soft one. If you are on the opposite side and you know someone who struggles with fear, don't be too harsh with them. If you've never experienced what they are going through, then you don't know what they are going through. Be a friend, be supportive, pray for them, ask what you can do to help, but don't try to push them in a direction they are not ready to go. Help them to be brave.

This was a hard post for me to write. It's always hard when you have to face your fears, and this was no different. I have a doctor's appointment this week, and I'm afraid. Please pray for me. Pray that the peace of God will rule in my heart and that I will be strong enough to fight the lies and fears that Satan throws at me. I can't do this by myself. I don't want to live in fear anymore, but I honestly don't know how to. If you have any encouraging words, or if you need any advice about someone you know who struggles with fear and you don't know how to help, send me line. I'll do the best I can.

Thanks for reading and be blessed.