I'm Done Asking Why

"I’ve been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes. So much can slip away before we say goodbye. But if there’s no other way, I’m done asking why. I’m on my knees, begging you to turn to me. I’m on my knees, Father will you turn to me?"

"Hold My Heart"- Tenth Avenue North

These lyrics really speak to me. If you haven’t heard the song you should. Sometimes I struggle so much with wanting to be in control. I’m afraid to close my eyes because if I can’t see what is going on than it might slip away. I’m not ready for that. I’m never ready for God to take away something I think I need. Even if I’m not ready, though, I can still trust Him. That’s where the second part comes in. I love the phrase, “But if there’s no other way, I’m done asking why.” I think it conveys the exact attitude that we should have toward God and His will. God gives us the privilege to ask why, but with the privilege comes the understanding that He might not answer us. We can ask why something happened the way it did, but in the end we need to trust God that He knows best, and ultimately stop asking and accept it. Continuously asking why about the same topic can be a sign of unbelief. Asking why because we don’t understand, but then accepting that we don’t understand (and maybe will never understand) and being at peace about that shows that we trust God. Jesus did that in the garden of Gethsemane. He understood perfectly why it had to be done, but He still prayed for another way. And, after He prayed, He willingly accepted God’s plan and went to the cross. Was it easy? Certainly not, and Jesus knew it wouldn’t be. But God doesn’t design our lives here on earth to be easy. He designs them to bring glory to Himself. Jesus knew that, too. That’s why He prayed, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Mark 14:36b) On the flip side of that, God does love us and care for us. He is not going to make us suffer uselessly. That is why we can have full confidence that when a “Why?” issue comes up, even if we don’t understand it, it’s for our good.

I’ve had a lot of “Why?” questions in my life. Sometimes I couldn’t see any reason at all, and I still can’t. But that doesn’t matter. I’m stronger now because of them. They still hurt, there are still questions, but I’m at peace. I’m not in control, and to be honest, it’s much better this way. “We walk by faith not by sight.” (2 Cor. 5:7)