C'est La Vie

I ran across the game of Life the other day and I had to smile. The game of Life is definitely that: a game. I think you have to make three decisions in that game, and you usually get to see how either option ends up before moving forward. Everyone gets married. Everyone buys a house. Almost everyone is a millionaire by the end of the game. Yes, that is definitely a game and not real life.

Tomorrow my grandma is having open heart surgury. It will probably be a triple or quadruple bypass, but they have to wait and see until they get in. She's eighty years old. Eighty year old grandmas sometimes don't make it through quadruple bypass surgury. That, my friends, is life. The real one, not the game.

Here's more real life: I have lots of friends looking for jobs, or who live paycheck to paycheck. I have friends who have lost parents, and friends who have lost babies. I have friends who have to live with the bad choices they or someone else made. Life is rarely easy or fun, but amazingly, it is good. How do I know it's good? Because God is good, and every life is a gift from Him.

I must admit that sometimes I'm not grateful for God's gift, at least not in the moment. Think back to when you opened Aunt Agatha's gift on Christmas morning and found out that it was underwear. Not a whole lot of enthusiasm there. There was a lot of things you wanted for Christmas, and underwear didn't make it on the list. Or on the back up list. Or on any list. And yet to be honest, we need underwear, we really do. It might not be fun or exciting, but it's used every day, isn't it? Most people don't like the useful gifts as much as the fun gifts, even if they need the useful gifts and use them more. That's because we would rather enjoy ourselves than have something useful, because usefulness is rarely exciting.

Don't we treat God's gifts the same way? He gave us our lives, yet a lot of what He gives us in them does not seem like a gift. We are faced with hard situations, difficult decisions, and choices that are anything but easy. God's gifts seem like underwear. The gifts aren't fun and exciting, but they are what we need if we are willing to admit that. If God gave you a new Ford Mustang it would be great, yet it would hardly help you learn the lesson of perseverance that would occur if you had to save up month after month for one yourself. God knows what we need now and what we will need in the future, and doles out gifts accordingly. Humans are into instant gratification; God isn't. Because of that, we start thinking that God's gifts aren't gifts at all. We start doubting God because we only see a small piece of the pie and it doesn't make any sense to us. That's when the devil has us. If he can get us to doubt God's working, he can feed us all sorts of lies and we'll believe him. We'll start doubting God's character, be jealous and envious of others, feel sorry for ourselves, get angry, etc. And then we're in trouble.

There's an easy way to avoid all that mess, though. It simple: believe the truth. Here's the truth: God loves you and is working for your good and His glory in all things. You might not see it, you might not feel it and you might not like it, but it's the truth. You have to hang onto that, Beloved, as if your life depends on it, because it does. You have to believe what God says is true, or else the devil will sift you like wheat in an instant. I know it's hard. Believe me, I know. There have been days, weeks, months where I couldn't see the light. Where I still can't see the light. I didn't understand why I had to go through this or that. I wanted to give up because I didn't see the point in fighting anymore, but God wouldn't let me by His grace.

I know that many of you have gone through much harder things than me. I only know a small part of your pain, of your hardships, of your struggles. But I do know this: you can make it with God by your side. There is a point to what you're going through, whatever it is. I don't know what it is, but God does. Don't give up, Beloved, or let Satan feed you lies. The Christian walk is a fight and a race. Those are hard things. It's hard to see how things will turn out and it's hard to keep going when it gets tough. But think about the end, Beloved. We do know how that will turn out. "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4.

This life is passing away. What seems like eternity now is really just a brief moment that will quickly pass. We can endure this life because our hope is not in this life, it's in the next. In the the game of Life the ending is retiring in a mansion. For Christians, the ending of real life is actually similar. We get a mansion. In heaven. With Jesus. Forever.

I Could Be Worse...Then Again...

It could be worse, couldn't it? No matter what you're going through, it could always get worse. It's funny how we comfort ourselves with that thought. We ease the pain we're going through by thinking about greater pain. There's only one problem with that way of thinking, however, and the problem is that it ignores the pain we're experiencing right now.

People usually approach pain/suffering/difficult circumstances one of two ways: they either suck it up and pretend their not hurting, or they wallow in it. I know... because I've done both. Obviously both responses are wrong from a Christian worldview. Job was an expert in wallowing until God gave him a talking to and brought him to his senses. Jonah was too, but we never see the result of that story. But what about the other side? What about pretending to be strong when we're not?

We live in a society that glorifies strength. Our society loves strong people, no matter how that portrays itself. Strong athletes, strong visionaries, strong leaders, strong thinkers, we love them all. With all the emphasis on strength, it's no wonder that being strong during the hard times in life seems like the best option. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Don't let people see your weakness. Be strong.

The Bible also talks about being strong. In 1 Corinthians 16:13 Paul writes to the church in Corinth, "Watch; Stand fast in the faith; Be brave; Be strong." The Bible talks about being strong in many other places, especially in the New Testament. We are to be strong Christians, no doubt. So what's wrong with approaching suffering like that?

The reason why I see a danger in pretending it doesn't hurt, or that it could be worse is this: It does hurt. I'm not concerned about the extent of the hurt, whether it be little or great. The truth is, whatever it is hurts, and it is a legitimate hurt. You don't need to excuse it or explain it away. I used to think I wasn't qualified to hurt because someone always had it worse. How could I be sad about losing a friend when people are being sold into slavery in southeast Asia? My hurt is just a drop in the bucket compared to their hurt! But God taught me and is teaching me that my hurt is just as real as their's. I shouldn't wallow in it, but I shouldn't ignore it either. God uses pain to teach us things we wouldn't learn otherwise, and if we ignore it then we are missing out on an opportunity to grow. I'll be the first to say this: I don't like pain. I would rather learn my lessons ANY OTHER WAY. When I am in a difficult situation I would like to say that I approach it with child-like trust in the God who controls everything, but usually I am kicking and screaming and trying to get out of it every way possible. It's true. Why is it so hard to trust a God who has proved himself faithful time and time again? Because it hurts. If it didn't, then where would trust come in? Who would need to trust God if everything was smooth sailing?

One last note before I close. I mentioned a verse and alluded to others that talk about being strong as Christians. We are to be strong, but not in our own strength. Our strength as Christians comes from the Holy Spirit. I'll end with some of my favorite verses, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Now that's the strength I'm talking about.

More Flour

Coming shortly

Sad Joy

A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about writing another blog, and the theme that kept coming to my mind was “Forgotten Joy.” The reason for this was because I was having a hard time, mainly because school was bogging me down in its endless monotony, and joy did seem to be forgotten. God lifted me out of the pit I was sliding down, however, so my joy is no longer forgotten-praise Jesus! But, today my joy is tinged with sadness. Someone in my church family lost their young son this weekend. We prayed for healing, and God healed him completely by taking him home. He answered our prayers, just not in the way we thought. Whenever God veils His plan from us it’s always hard, but it’s not hopeless, and it doesn’t have to be without joy. Too often I think people equate joy with happiness. Happiness is a feeling based on circumstances; Joy is an attitude in spite of circumstances. That is why it is completely possible to have sad joy. I’m sad because this family lost their son and brother. I’m joyful because I have hope in spite of that.

Why? It Doesn't Make Sense, God.

It hurts so much sometimes. Sometimes I’ve cried so hard that I couldn’t breath because the pain was so deep. Other times I would have done anything just to escape. Sometimes I’ve been so numb I couldn’t feel anything at all.

There are times in our lives when God’s plan doesn’t make sense. There are times when all I can ask God is “Why?” Why did he have to die? Why did September 11th have to happen? I’ve prayed, “You could have healed them, God! You could have prevented that accident! You could have kept them from dying!” And ever so softly, God whispers to my anguished heart, “Yes, I could have, but I didn’t, because My plan is bigger than what you can see.” It times like these where I have to cling desperately to the truths I know: God is good. God loves us. God is in control. And God says “No” sometimes. It doesn’t make sense in my little human brain. In my mind, I don’t see why people have to suffer. If I could, I would eliminate all the suffering in this world. But God doesn’t see things from a human perspective. He does things for His glory, things that might not make sense to us. If I could see the cosmic plan the way God sees it I wouldn’t have these questions. I have to admit that I don’t know why, and that’s why it is so hard. I have to make myself believe the things I know are true, even if I don’t feel like it, even if I don’t see why they happened. The Christian life isn’t about feelings, it’s about truth. If we lived solely off of feelings we would all turn away the first bumpy patch we hit. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my Bible, but I know those are the times I need to the most. Sometimes I might not feel that God is just or good, but that doesn’t change the fact that He is.
So what do we do? We lean on the God of grace and keep living. We can’t stop it, we can’t go back. All we can do is keep moving forward and trust God to get us through the tough patches. There are going to be things we don’t understand and can’t explain. We’re going to cry sometimes. We might have to get through the race of faith crawling on our hands and knees, but at the end of it all, it will be worth it. The prize is worth the pain.

My God is good. My God is love. I believe that, so I trust Him. End of story.

Timing and Trust

God’s timing. It’s perfect. It’s good. And it doesn’t make sense so many times. It’s so hard to do things God’s way because we think we know better. Or, we acknowledge that we don’t know better, but we would still rather do things our way because at least we are in control that way. Isn’t that amazing? We would sacrifice the best for the mediocre simply so we don’t have to trust anyone else with our lives. Trust is hard. It means letting go of the reins and believing that wherever God takes us is the best place to be, even if we don’t want to be there. But I’m digressing. I started talking about God’s timing and ended up talking about trust. I guess it makes sense; they are closely related. In order to accept God’s timing we have to trust Him first.

Have you ever asked God, “Why now?” I have asked Him that question a lot, both when He has brought difficult things in my life and when He has brought blessings into my life. Sometimes it feels like all of the difficult things are grouped together in life, that once you get hit with one thing then everything hits. You feel like you’re drowning and you finally surface and get a gulp of air only to get pushed down again by something else. I’ve been there. I’ve also been in the other boat, too. These are the times when God heaps blessing upon blessing upon you and you ask “Why?” because you know you don’t deserve it. These are times when you get overwhelmed by God’s love for you, and in turn it grows your love for your Father. Life happens like this, doesn’t it? At least it does for me. This is when it is hard to understand God’s timing. In my teeny human mind, I would spread out the good and bad times evenly so life doesn’t get overwhelming. I know I would, but even as I write this I realize how different my life would be and what a different person I would be if that was actually how it happened. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want it. The intense bad times makes character growth skyrocket. You will never grow like when your world seems to be falling apart. When everything is crumbling away you have to hang onto God for dear life because there is nothing left to stand on. Once you make it through those times, however, it makes the good times better and the blessings sweeter. God’s timing is perfect. He will never ask us to do something we can’t. He will break us but not destroy us. That’s a promise we have to cling to when life doesn’t make sense. When God’s timing doesn’t make sense.

I thought I could do it. I can't.

12:21 am. I looked at the clock as I paced back and forth in the kitchen and ate my yogurt. Back and forth. Back and forth. Front yard, back yard. Despite what it appeared, I wasn’t really agitated or distressed. I was just thinking . And praying. In the middle of the night on May 16th I reached the apex of the journey I had been traveling for almost two months, and the lesson God had been teaching me finally sunk in. It had been a good journey and, for once, the lesson hadn’t been unduly painful.

These last few months have been the worst I’ve slept in my entire life. I used to be a consistently good and sound sleeper, but not anymore. Overall I still sleep pretty well, but sometimes I’ll be tired but unable to fall asleep, and other times I’ll be wide awake at 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, etc. I don’t know what changed, but with the new year came a new way of life for me. And, truth be told, it’s been amazing. You wouldn’t normally think that a change from good sleep to bad sleep would be good, but it has been. While the world is sleeping in the quiet morning hours and all of the distractions are gone, I talk to God, and He talks to me. Those times I haven’t been able to sleep have been the times I’ve felt closest to God. Such was the case a few nights ago. In the dark, walking on the cold linoleum, talking with God, I was struck with this epiphany: I can’t do it.

I believe this journey started when I prayed for God to help me rely on His strength and not my own. God loves it when we pray prayers like that, so we should only pray them if we mean it. Shortly thereafter I caught a cold, then a sinus infection, then another cold, and all in all I’ve been sick for quite a long time. That was one step in keeping me from relying on my own strength, since I didn’t have much for awhile. The next step was to overwhelm me with all the activities I have going. To be honest, a good percentage of the time I have no idea what I’m doing and I am learning as I go. That can get a little unnerving sometimes. The last step was to show me how completely inadequate I am in areas I thought I was adequate in. It’s very deflating when you say, “I’m good at _________, “ and God says, “No, you’re not.” That is how I came to the conclusion that I can’t do it- I can’t do it by myself, without God, or in my own strength. I used to think I could, which resulted in things usually heading south the minute that proud attitude took root. I never overtly said, “I’m doing this by myself and I don’t need God’s help.” Rather it was just not asking for His help with things, as if I didn’t need it. These last two months have crushed that way of thinking. Through sickness and not sleeping and tons of stuff to do I’ve realized how weak I am; how limited I am. I am nothing, but God is everything. He uses weakness for His glory. It doesn’t matter what we can or cannot do because God is the one who is working anyway. It’s not me- It’s Him. I can’t explain the strength He’s provided when all my human strength has been gone. 2 Corinthians 12:9 has become real for me, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I’ve learned that His strength IS made perfect in weakness, that His grace IS sufficient. Not some of the time in some situations. All of the time in all situations. I’ve learned that when I acknowledge that I don’t know what I’m doing and let God work through me, things will happen, and it will be amazing. I can say with Paul, “When I am weak, then I am strong,” because I learned that when we lose natural strength we are overcome with supernatural strength.

That was a good journey. I hope I’m not done with it, even though I do hope I’ve learned my lesson. The peace I feel right now is amazing. I know it because I realize I don’t have to do anything anymore in my own strength; I can do it in God’s. To Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen.