It could be worse, couldn't it? No matter what you're going through, it could always get worse. It's funny how we comfort ourselves with that thought. We ease the pain we're going through by thinking about greater pain. There's only one problem with that way of thinking, however, and the problem is that it ignores the pain we're experiencing right now.
People usually approach pain/suffering/difficult circumstances one of two ways: they either suck it up and pretend their not hurting, or they wallow in it. I know... because I've done both. Obviously both responses are wrong from a Christian worldview. Job was an expert in wallowing until God gave him a talking to and brought him to his senses. Jonah was too, but we never see the result of that story. But what about the other side? What about pretending to be strong when we're not?
We live in a society that glorifies strength. Our society loves strong people, no matter how that portrays itself. Strong athletes, strong visionaries, strong leaders, strong thinkers, we love them all. With all the emphasis on strength, it's no wonder that being strong during the hard times in life seems like the best option. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Don't let people see your weakness. Be strong.
The Bible also talks about being strong. In 1 Corinthians 16:13 Paul writes to the church in Corinth, "Watch; Stand fast in the faith; Be brave; Be strong." The Bible talks about being strong in many other places, especially in the New Testament. We are to be strong Christians, no doubt. So what's wrong with approaching suffering like that?
The reason why I see a danger in pretending it doesn't hurt, or that it could be worse is this: It does hurt. I'm not concerned about the extent of the hurt, whether it be little or great. The truth is, whatever it is hurts, and it is a legitimate hurt. You don't need to excuse it or explain it away. I used to think I wasn't qualified to hurt because someone always had it worse. How could I be sad about losing a friend when people are being sold into slavery in southeast Asia? My hurt is just a drop in the bucket compared to their hurt! But God taught me and is teaching me that my hurt is just as real as their's. I shouldn't wallow in it, but I shouldn't ignore it either. God uses pain to teach us things we wouldn't learn otherwise, and if we ignore it then we are missing out on an opportunity to grow. I'll be the first to say this: I don't like pain. I would rather learn my lessons ANY OTHER WAY. When I am in a difficult situation I would like to say that I approach it with child-like trust in the God who controls everything, but usually I am kicking and screaming and trying to get out of it every way possible. It's true. Why is it so hard to trust a God who has proved himself faithful time and time again? Because it hurts. If it didn't, then where would trust come in? Who would need to trust God if everything was smooth sailing?
One last note before I close. I mentioned a verse and alluded to others that talk about being strong as Christians. We are to be strong, but not in our own strength. Our strength as Christians comes from the Holy Spirit. I'll end with some of my favorite verses, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Now that's the strength I'm talking about.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sad Joy
A couple of weeks ago I was thinking about writing another blog, and the theme that kept coming to my mind was “Forgotten Joy.” The reason for this was because I was having a hard time, mainly because school was bogging me down in its endless monotony, and joy did seem to be forgotten. God lifted me out of the pit I was sliding down, however, so my joy is no longer forgotten-praise Jesus! But, today my joy is tinged with sadness. Someone in my church family lost their young son this weekend. We prayed for healing, and God healed him completely by taking him home. He answered our prayers, just not in the way we thought. Whenever God veils His plan from us it’s always hard, but it’s not hopeless, and it doesn’t have to be without joy. Too often I think people equate joy with happiness. Happiness is a feeling based on circumstances; Joy is an attitude in spite of circumstances. That is why it is completely possible to have sad joy. I’m sad because this family lost their son and brother. I’m joyful because I have hope in spite of that.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Why? It Doesn't Make Sense, God.
It hurts so much sometimes. Sometimes I’ve cried so hard that I couldn’t breath because the pain was so deep. Other times I would have done anything just to escape. Sometimes I’ve been so numb I couldn’t feel anything at all.
There are times in our lives when God’s plan doesn’t make sense. There are times when all I can ask God is “Why?” Why did he have to die? Why did September 11th have to happen? I’ve prayed, “You could have healed them, God! You could have prevented that accident! You could have kept them from dying!” And ever so softly, God whispers to my anguished heart, “Yes, I could have, but I didn’t, because My plan is bigger than what you can see.” It times like these where I have to cling desperately to the truths I know: God is good. God loves us. God is in control. And God says “No” sometimes. It doesn’t make sense in my little human brain. In my mind, I don’t see why people have to suffer. If I could, I would eliminate all the suffering in this world. But God doesn’t see things from a human perspective. He does things for His glory, things that might not make sense to us. If I could see the cosmic plan the way God sees it I wouldn’t have these questions. I have to admit that I don’t know why, and that’s why it is so hard. I have to make myself believe the things I know are true, even if I don’t feel like it, even if I don’t see why they happened. The Christian life isn’t about feelings, it’s about truth. If we lived solely off of feelings we would all turn away the first bumpy patch we hit. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my Bible, but I know those are the times I need to the most. Sometimes I might not feel that God is just or good, but that doesn’t change the fact that He is.
So what do we do? We lean on the God of grace and keep living. We can’t stop it, we can’t go back. All we can do is keep moving forward and trust God to get us through the tough patches. There are going to be things we don’t understand and can’t explain. We’re going to cry sometimes. We might have to get through the race of faith crawling on our hands and knees, but at the end of it all, it will be worth it. The prize is worth the pain.
My God is good. My God is love. I believe that, so I trust Him. End of story.
There are times in our lives when God’s plan doesn’t make sense. There are times when all I can ask God is “Why?” Why did he have to die? Why did September 11th have to happen? I’ve prayed, “You could have healed them, God! You could have prevented that accident! You could have kept them from dying!” And ever so softly, God whispers to my anguished heart, “Yes, I could have, but I didn’t, because My plan is bigger than what you can see.” It times like these where I have to cling desperately to the truths I know: God is good. God loves us. God is in control. And God says “No” sometimes. It doesn’t make sense in my little human brain. In my mind, I don’t see why people have to suffer. If I could, I would eliminate all the suffering in this world. But God doesn’t see things from a human perspective. He does things for His glory, things that might not make sense to us. If I could see the cosmic plan the way God sees it I wouldn’t have these questions. I have to admit that I don’t know why, and that’s why it is so hard. I have to make myself believe the things I know are true, even if I don’t feel like it, even if I don’t see why they happened. The Christian life isn’t about feelings, it’s about truth. If we lived solely off of feelings we would all turn away the first bumpy patch we hit. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my Bible, but I know those are the times I need to the most. Sometimes I might not feel that God is just or good, but that doesn’t change the fact that He is.
So what do we do? We lean on the God of grace and keep living. We can’t stop it, we can’t go back. All we can do is keep moving forward and trust God to get us through the tough patches. There are going to be things we don’t understand and can’t explain. We’re going to cry sometimes. We might have to get through the race of faith crawling on our hands and knees, but at the end of it all, it will be worth it. The prize is worth the pain.
My God is good. My God is love. I believe that, so I trust Him. End of story.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Timing and Trust
God’s timing. It’s perfect. It’s good. And it doesn’t make sense so many times. It’s so hard to do things God’s way because we think we know better. Or, we acknowledge that we don’t know better, but we would still rather do things our way because at least we are in control that way. Isn’t that amazing? We would sacrifice the best for the mediocre simply so we don’t have to trust anyone else with our lives. Trust is hard. It means letting go of the reins and believing that wherever God takes us is the best place to be, even if we don’t want to be there. But I’m digressing. I started talking about God’s timing and ended up talking about trust. I guess it makes sense; they are closely related. In order to accept God’s timing we have to trust Him first.
Have you ever asked God, “Why now?” I have asked Him that question a lot, both when He has brought difficult things in my life and when He has brought blessings into my life. Sometimes it feels like all of the difficult things are grouped together in life, that once you get hit with one thing then everything hits. You feel like you’re drowning and you finally surface and get a gulp of air only to get pushed down again by something else. I’ve been there. I’ve also been in the other boat, too. These are the times when God heaps blessing upon blessing upon you and you ask “Why?” because you know you don’t deserve it. These are times when you get overwhelmed by God’s love for you, and in turn it grows your love for your Father. Life happens like this, doesn’t it? At least it does for me. This is when it is hard to understand God’s timing. In my teeny human mind, I would spread out the good and bad times evenly so life doesn’t get overwhelming. I know I would, but even as I write this I realize how different my life would be and what a different person I would be if that was actually how it happened. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want it. The intense bad times makes character growth skyrocket. You will never grow like when your world seems to be falling apart. When everything is crumbling away you have to hang onto God for dear life because there is nothing left to stand on. Once you make it through those times, however, it makes the good times better and the blessings sweeter. God’s timing is perfect. He will never ask us to do something we can’t. He will break us but not destroy us. That’s a promise we have to cling to when life doesn’t make sense. When God’s timing doesn’t make sense.
Have you ever asked God, “Why now?” I have asked Him that question a lot, both when He has brought difficult things in my life and when He has brought blessings into my life. Sometimes it feels like all of the difficult things are grouped together in life, that once you get hit with one thing then everything hits. You feel like you’re drowning and you finally surface and get a gulp of air only to get pushed down again by something else. I’ve been there. I’ve also been in the other boat, too. These are the times when God heaps blessing upon blessing upon you and you ask “Why?” because you know you don’t deserve it. These are times when you get overwhelmed by God’s love for you, and in turn it grows your love for your Father. Life happens like this, doesn’t it? At least it does for me. This is when it is hard to understand God’s timing. In my teeny human mind, I would spread out the good and bad times evenly so life doesn’t get overwhelming. I know I would, but even as I write this I realize how different my life would be and what a different person I would be if that was actually how it happened. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want it. The intense bad times makes character growth skyrocket. You will never grow like when your world seems to be falling apart. When everything is crumbling away you have to hang onto God for dear life because there is nothing left to stand on. Once you make it through those times, however, it makes the good times better and the blessings sweeter. God’s timing is perfect. He will never ask us to do something we can’t. He will break us but not destroy us. That’s a promise we have to cling to when life doesn’t make sense. When God’s timing doesn’t make sense.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I thought I could do it. I can't.
12:21 am. I looked at the clock as I paced back and forth in the kitchen and ate my yogurt. Back and forth. Back and forth. Front yard, back yard. Despite what it appeared, I wasn’t really agitated or distressed. I was just thinking . And praying. In the middle of the night on May 16th I reached the apex of the journey I had been traveling for almost two months, and the lesson God had been teaching me finally sunk in. It had been a good journey and, for once, the lesson hadn’t been unduly painful.
These last few months have been the worst I’ve slept in my entire life. I used to be a consistently good and sound sleeper, but not anymore. Overall I still sleep pretty well, but sometimes I’ll be tired but unable to fall asleep, and other times I’ll be wide awake at 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, etc. I don’t know what changed, but with the new year came a new way of life for me. And, truth be told, it’s been amazing. You wouldn’t normally think that a change from good sleep to bad sleep would be good, but it has been. While the world is sleeping in the quiet morning hours and all of the distractions are gone, I talk to God, and He talks to me. Those times I haven’t been able to sleep have been the times I’ve felt closest to God. Such was the case a few nights ago. In the dark, walking on the cold linoleum, talking with God, I was struck with this epiphany: I can’t do it.
I believe this journey started when I prayed for God to help me rely on His strength and not my own. God loves it when we pray prayers like that, so we should only pray them if we mean it. Shortly thereafter I caught a cold, then a sinus infection, then another cold, and all in all I’ve been sick for quite a long time. That was one step in keeping me from relying on my own strength, since I didn’t have much for awhile. The next step was to overwhelm me with all the activities I have going. To be honest, a good percentage of the time I have no idea what I’m doing and I am learning as I go. That can get a little unnerving sometimes. The last step was to show me how completely inadequate I am in areas I thought I was adequate in. It’s very deflating when you say, “I’m good at _________, “ and God says, “No, you’re not.” That is how I came to the conclusion that I can’t do it- I can’t do it by myself, without God, or in my own strength. I used to think I could, which resulted in things usually heading south the minute that proud attitude took root. I never overtly said, “I’m doing this by myself and I don’t need God’s help.” Rather it was just not asking for His help with things, as if I didn’t need it. These last two months have crushed that way of thinking. Through sickness and not sleeping and tons of stuff to do I’ve realized how weak I am; how limited I am. I am nothing, but God is everything. He uses weakness for His glory. It doesn’t matter what we can or cannot do because God is the one who is working anyway. It’s not me- It’s Him. I can’t explain the strength He’s provided when all my human strength has been gone. 2 Corinthians 12:9 has become real for me, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I’ve learned that His strength IS made perfect in weakness, that His grace IS sufficient. Not some of the time in some situations. All of the time in all situations. I’ve learned that when I acknowledge that I don’t know what I’m doing and let God work through me, things will happen, and it will be amazing. I can say with Paul, “When I am weak, then I am strong,” because I learned that when we lose natural strength we are overcome with supernatural strength.
That was a good journey. I hope I’m not done with it, even though I do hope I’ve learned my lesson. The peace I feel right now is amazing. I know it because I realize I don’t have to do anything anymore in my own strength; I can do it in God’s. To Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen.
These last few months have been the worst I’ve slept in my entire life. I used to be a consistently good and sound sleeper, but not anymore. Overall I still sleep pretty well, but sometimes I’ll be tired but unable to fall asleep, and other times I’ll be wide awake at 12:30, 1:00, 2:00, etc. I don’t know what changed, but with the new year came a new way of life for me. And, truth be told, it’s been amazing. You wouldn’t normally think that a change from good sleep to bad sleep would be good, but it has been. While the world is sleeping in the quiet morning hours and all of the distractions are gone, I talk to God, and He talks to me. Those times I haven’t been able to sleep have been the times I’ve felt closest to God. Such was the case a few nights ago. In the dark, walking on the cold linoleum, talking with God, I was struck with this epiphany: I can’t do it.
I believe this journey started when I prayed for God to help me rely on His strength and not my own. God loves it when we pray prayers like that, so we should only pray them if we mean it. Shortly thereafter I caught a cold, then a sinus infection, then another cold, and all in all I’ve been sick for quite a long time. That was one step in keeping me from relying on my own strength, since I didn’t have much for awhile. The next step was to overwhelm me with all the activities I have going. To be honest, a good percentage of the time I have no idea what I’m doing and I am learning as I go. That can get a little unnerving sometimes. The last step was to show me how completely inadequate I am in areas I thought I was adequate in. It’s very deflating when you say, “I’m good at _________, “ and God says, “No, you’re not.” That is how I came to the conclusion that I can’t do it- I can’t do it by myself, without God, or in my own strength. I used to think I could, which resulted in things usually heading south the minute that proud attitude took root. I never overtly said, “I’m doing this by myself and I don’t need God’s help.” Rather it was just not asking for His help with things, as if I didn’t need it. These last two months have crushed that way of thinking. Through sickness and not sleeping and tons of stuff to do I’ve realized how weak I am; how limited I am. I am nothing, but God is everything. He uses weakness for His glory. It doesn’t matter what we can or cannot do because God is the one who is working anyway. It’s not me- It’s Him. I can’t explain the strength He’s provided when all my human strength has been gone. 2 Corinthians 12:9 has become real for me, “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” I’ve learned that His strength IS made perfect in weakness, that His grace IS sufficient. Not some of the time in some situations. All of the time in all situations. I’ve learned that when I acknowledge that I don’t know what I’m doing and let God work through me, things will happen, and it will be amazing. I can say with Paul, “When I am weak, then I am strong,” because I learned that when we lose natural strength we are overcome with supernatural strength.
That was a good journey. I hope I’m not done with it, even though I do hope I’ve learned my lesson. The peace I feel right now is amazing. I know it because I realize I don’t have to do anything anymore in my own strength; I can do it in God’s. To Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Lovin' Life
I enjoy living. I mean, I really LOVE life-most days. I see life as an adventure in which you never know what might be just around the corner, but it’s probably exciting. I love it when unexpected things happen, when you go, “Whoa, didn’t see that one coming!” Like the time I got my gown caught in the car door and couldn’t get it out the day of my graduation. That was not funny then, but it’s definitely funny now. These days I really enjoying smelling things because I’ve had a cold for six weeks and with it went my sense of smell, so when I actually smell something I get excited. I like challenges because I like overcoming them. Please keep in mind that as I write this, I am in an extremely good mood. I just made it through a very long and challenging weekend during which time I wasn’t quite in the same frame of mind I am now. Please don’t think that I am a happy-go-lucky person who never struggles, because that isn’t the case. I’m a human just like you, and I have bad days just like anyone, but I do try to always look on the bright side. I call myself an eternal optimist, which actually has a double meaning. One is that I always try to see the good in any situation, and the other is that because I’m a Christian, I can be optimistic because there is nothing to fear in this life or the next. That’s the best part of living. No matter what happens, I know God is in control of it and nothing will happen to me unless He allows it and it is for my good.
I haven’t always enjoyed life like I do now. There have been times when I have just survived it. I don’t really know what caused the change, but if I had to take a guess I would say I finally stopped fighting the way my life was and accepted it for what it is. I stopped living for “someday” and started living today, because that’s all I really have anyways. I let God take control and now I sit back and enjoy the ride. I also unwound my tightly wound self a little and found the freedom of being spontaneous and easy-going when things don’t go the way I think they should go. I learned how to laugh when something I do turns out to be a complete disaster because it’s usually pretty funny. I think some people, including my previous self, take things too seriously. They think everything has to go exactly according to plan or else everyone will hate them and the rest of their life will be ruined. Hardly anything would cause that to happen, and especially not if you start dinner ten minutes later than what you told everyone. I admit part of me is still there, but I’m working on it.
In my opinion you can let life control you or you can control it. Obviously God is ultimately in control, but you can control how you respond. It depends on what lens you choose to look through. The same situation can look very different depending on where you are standing. If you come from the perspective that everyone is out to get you, then you’ll get mad when the car in front of you cuts you off. If you come from the perspective of giving the benefit of the doubt and realize that maybe his wife is having baby and he’s trying to get there, then it doesn’t look so bad. The choice is yours: What will you choose?
I haven’t always enjoyed life like I do now. There have been times when I have just survived it. I don’t really know what caused the change, but if I had to take a guess I would say I finally stopped fighting the way my life was and accepted it for what it is. I stopped living for “someday” and started living today, because that’s all I really have anyways. I let God take control and now I sit back and enjoy the ride. I also unwound my tightly wound self a little and found the freedom of being spontaneous and easy-going when things don’t go the way I think they should go. I learned how to laugh when something I do turns out to be a complete disaster because it’s usually pretty funny. I think some people, including my previous self, take things too seriously. They think everything has to go exactly according to plan or else everyone will hate them and the rest of their life will be ruined. Hardly anything would cause that to happen, and especially not if you start dinner ten minutes later than what you told everyone. I admit part of me is still there, but I’m working on it.
In my opinion you can let life control you or you can control it. Obviously God is ultimately in control, but you can control how you respond. It depends on what lens you choose to look through. The same situation can look very different depending on where you are standing. If you come from the perspective that everyone is out to get you, then you’ll get mad when the car in front of you cuts you off. If you come from the perspective of giving the benefit of the doubt and realize that maybe his wife is having baby and he’s trying to get there, then it doesn’t look so bad. The choice is yours: What will you choose?
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